NEED TO KNOW
- President Trump says the Epstein files are a fake Democrat plot, which is why everyone must see them at once.
- House Republicans now must choose between protecting donors or acting like they love transparency.
- Trump insists he has “nothing to hide,” a phrase that usually appears right before a lot of hiding starts.
President Donald Trump told Americans on Sunday night that the Jeffrey Epstein files are a made up Democrat trick, and also that House Republicans should vote to release every page as fast as possible. The logic confused experts, although it thrilled supporters who now cheer for secrecy and document dumps at the same time.
On Truth Social, the president called the files a “Democrat Hoax” and also “very important evidence that clears me.” Staff members tried to map out how both ideas could be true. Their whiteboard started to smoke before they solved it.
From “Do Not Release” To “Release Immediately”
Only a few days ago, Trump warned Republicans that voting to release the files would be a “very bad idea.” Now he says they should vote yes so the country can “move on” after everyone reads thousands of pages about him. Aides say his shift came when they explained that a no vote makes it look like he has something to hide, and a yes vote only makes it look like everyone else does.
Representative Thomas Massie and Representative Ro Khanna, who led the bipartisan push, were shocked to find themselves on the same side as the president for a brief moment. Massie said it felt like “sunlight, panic, and luck all hit at once.” Khanna added that he supports openness, although he hopes the documents are not handed to Trump first with a marker.
House Speaker Mike Johnson repeated the new message, saying the files should be released so Congress can “get this behind us, place it in front of us, and then pretend it never happened once the news cycle shifts.” Members who signed the petition acted like this had always been the plan.
Nothing To Hide, Please Look Away
Privately, Republicans admit they worry the files could include familiar names or at least familiar golf clubs. They still hope the public stops reading around page seven when the formatting gets strange and the photocopies turn sideways.
Democrats say they enjoy watching Trump call something a hoax and demand it at the same time. They argue it creates a clear record that he supports transparency whenever it helps him. Several campaign teams are already printing the post on shirts for fundraisers.
In the end, Trump said the files will prove he is the “cleanest person in the history of planes and islands.” He then urged Congress to vote yes, release everything, and avoid talking about the results unless they praise him.
Nothing says nothing to hide like asking the world to stop looking while you throw every door open at once.
