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All the Latest in Politics
Trump Drops MTG Endorsement After Epstein Leaks, Says She “Should Know Better Than To Believe Evidence”
Political loyalty took another hit after MTG pushed too close to the Epstein files. Trump cut her off and claimed she became impossible to manage. The GOP looks more like a messy breakup…
Trump Promises $2,000 to Every American Who ‘Stops Asking About Epstein Files’
Trump touts tariff cash as free money while asking the public to forget a very specific topic. Economists warn of higher prices. Crypto waits by the door like it did last time.
Abbott Threatens 100% Tariff on New Yorkers Who ‘Smell Like Bagels’
Governor Greg Abbott vows to protect Texas from “the spread of gluten-based socialism,” promising tariffs, checkpoints, and possibly an everything-bagel ban.
Trump Says ICE Raids Need Theme Music in 60 Minutes Interview
Trump told 60 Minutes the raids “haven’t gone far enough,” defending smashed windows and tear gas as “efficient crowd management.” Officials fear he might actually mean it.
Patel Defends Using FBI Jet to Attend Wrestling, Claims He Was ‘Undercover as Boyfriend’
Sources say Patel’s “undercover boyfriend mission” required immediate deployment, champagne service, and front row seats. Critics note the operation’s main beneficiary appears to be his relationship.
Senate Republicans Vow to End Shutdown Once Everyone Agrees It’s Not Their Fault
Senate leaders promise to reopen the government “soon,” once both parties agree which one ruined everything first.
Government Shutdown Halts SNAP, But Trump Finds Spare Change for Argentina
As Americans lose access to food stamps during the shutdown, Trump diverts funds to Argentina, citing “regional synergy” and “incredible potential for applause.”
White House Officially Declares Maple Syrup a Threat to U.S. Sovereignty
Trump has declared maple syrup a threat to America’s freedom, citing “Canadian aggression in breakfast affairs” and pledging to rebrand it as “American Syrup.”
Trump Calls Historians ‘Deep State Librarians’ After Losing Top Two Presidential Spots
After being ranked below George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, Trump declares war on historians, history books, and possibly the concept of time itself.
