Trump Says Cutting Food Tariffs Will Lower Prices, Solves Mystery of Why Food Got Expensive
President Trump rushed to roll back tariffs on beef, coffee, bananas, and more after grocery prices hit historic highs. The White House claims this is leadership, while economists call it Tuesday. Shoppers mostly…
Trump Drops MTG Endorsement After Epstein Leaks, Says She “Should Know Better Than To Believe Evidence”
Political loyalty took another hit after MTG pushed too close to the Epstein files. Trump cut her off and claimed she became impossible to manage. The GOP looks more like a messy breakup…
Trump Asks Boebert To Block Epstein Files Over “Creepy Men” Experience
Trump’s team reached for the most dependable weapon in their arsenal. They wanted noise, confusion and a lawmaker with proven experience in distraction. Boebert delivered each quality before the meeting even ended.
Trump Promises $2,000 Tariff Rebate Checks to Arrive February 30th
President Trump promises Americans $2,000 tariff rebate checks by February 30th, a date experts agree exists only in the same universe where the math for this plan works.
Trump Administration Says 50-Year Mortgages Will ‘Bridge the Gap Between Gen-Z and the Grave’
Trump proposes 50-year mortgages to make housing affordable by stretching payments beyond the mortal realm. Supporters call it “innovative.” Critics call it “eternal debt.”
Trump’s Gold Oval Office Sign Sparks Outrage, Shines Brighter Than National Debt
Trump unveils a new gold “Oval Office” sign as millions lose food assistance during the government shutdown, proving luxury always finds a way to shine.
Abbott Threatens 100% Tariff on New Yorkers Who ‘Smell Like Bagels’
Governor Greg Abbott vows to protect Texas from “the spread of gluten-based socialism,” promising tariffs, checkpoints, and possibly an everything-bagel ban.
Trump Says ICE Raids Need Theme Music in 60 Minutes Interview
Trump told 60 Minutes the raids “haven’t gone far enough,” defending smashed windows and tear gas as “efficient crowd management.” Officials fear he might actually mean it.
Study Finds Americans Spend More Time Complaining About Daylight Saving Than It Saves
America’s longest running time war is not with the sun. It is with our group chats, our microwaves, and a Congress that can stall a second hand with pure indecision.
