Washington D.C. – After an extensive investigation into the recent classified document data leaks, it turns out that President Biden’s German Shepherd, Commander has been identified as the source of a recent data leak that has shaken the White House to its core.
The President was shocked when he found out that Commander had been acting suspiciously, sneaking around the Oval Office, and sniffing at classified documents left carelessly around the place. “I can’t believe it,” said the President, stunned by the news. “Commander had me fooled all along. He’s not just a good boy, he’s a good spy too.” According to sources close to the White House, Commander’s Russian handlers had been training him, preparing him for this very moment. They had given him the necessary skills to track down carelessly left out classified documents on national security, foreign policy, and even the President’s personal diary.
The recent classified scandals that have plagued both President Trump and Biden have made the situation even more embarrassing for the President. Critics are calling for an immediate investigation into the security protocols at the White House and demanding that Commander be stripped of his security clearance.
But the President has been quick to defend his furry four-legged friend, insisting that Commander is innocent until proven guilty. In a statement to the press, he said: “Commander is a loyal member of our family, and we love him. We won’t jump to conclusions until we have all the facts.”
The public’s reaction has been mixed, with some calling for Commander’s immediate deportation back to Russia, while others marvel at the dog’s intelligence and wonder what other secrets he may hold. Regardless of the outcome, this latest scandal is a reminder to all politicians to be more careful with their classified documents, lest their pets turn out to be foreign spies.
