NEED TO KNOW
- Trying to out-prank Goofy will get you Goofed right out the front gate.
- Disneyland frowns upon using churros as currency (trust us).
- Mickey’s lawyers have more power than the actual Mouse King from Fantasia.
1. Declaring Yourself the “Real” Mickey and Demanding a Throne
If you show up in hand-stitched mouse ears and loudly proclaim yourself the “One True Mouse,” security will appear faster than you can say “Steamboat Willie.” No matter how good your Mickey impression is, the only crown you’ll get is the paper one from a kid’s birthday party on Main Street.
2. Starting an Underground Churro Trading Ring
Disney churros are gold dust. But try bartering them for fast passes, autographs, or hush money, and you’ll find yourself escorted out by a squadron of suspiciously muscular Cast Members. Don’t ask what happens to confiscated churros—they disappear faster than Genie+ reservations.
3. Staging a Flash Mob of “Let It Go” in the Haunted Mansion
Bursting into song is classic Disney, but a 200-person Frozen flash mob in the pitch-dark Haunted Mansion? You’ll get haunted all right—by Security, who will spirit you away before you can finish the first verse. Next time, stick to singing in line for It’s a Small World.
4. Attempting to Baptize Yourself in the Pirates of the Caribbean Lagoon
Dipping a toe in the water is forbidden, but full immersion while shouting “I am Captain Jack!” is legendary. Unfortunately, it also earns you a personal escort from the Seven Seas straight to the parking lot, soggy and shamed.
5. Trying to Unionize the Animatronics
Asking the Country Bear Jamboree about collective bargaining is a one-way ticket to the Exit. Disney takes a dim view of anyone asking animatronic Abraham Lincoln about health benefits. They will unplug your fun faster than you can say “Solidarity Forever.”
6. Hosting a Tarot Card Reading for Dole Whip Futures
Telling strangers you can predict their next Dole Whip flavor based on their zodiac sign? The Mouse House doesn’t play with that kind of magic. Security will shuffle you out, leaving you to ponder your future—possibly with fewer pineapples.
7. Entering the Park as an Emotional Support Turkey Leg
Support animals are allowed, but showing up in a giant turkey leg costume claiming to be your best friend’s “emotional support snack” will get you roasted by Disney security. They’ve seen it all, but that’s still a “no.”
Quote of the Moment
I tried to unionize the Hall of Presidents, and now I’m banned from Disney and the Smithsonian.
A Very Animated Former Guest
