Beastie Boys Sued After Brass Monkey Found to Be Just a Hungover Lemur in Costume

The surviving members of the Beastie Boys are facing a lawsuit from fans who say they’ve been lied to since 1986. The lawsuit claims that the famous “Brass Monkey” mentioned in the band’s hit single was not a monkey, not made of brass, and not even remotely funky.

Barry the Lemur: Not What They Expected

According to court filings, the so-called brass monkey was actually a ring-tailed lemur named Barry. He wore a vest, napped in road cases, and was often seen passed out near cans of malt liquor. Fans say they were led to believe the creature was a golden party-loving primate. Instead, it was a small marsupial with anxiety and a taste for Olde English.

“When I heard that song, I pictured a hype chimp on roller skates,” said lead plaintiff Devin Harlow. “Instead, it was Barry. Just Barry. He once bit a roadie during soundcheck. That’s not funky. That’s rabies.”

Legal and Ethical Funk

Def Jam Records responded with a short statement. “Brass Monkey was always a metaphor. The funk was inside us all.” Critics called the defense “spiritually weak” and “musically evasive.” Legal scholars now argue that lyrical accuracy may finally matter.

Mike D and Ad-Rock have acknowledged the suit but declined comment beyond a brief social post. “Adam would’ve thought this was hilarious,” Ad-Rock wrote, referring to the late Adam Yauch (MCA), who passed away in 2012.

Backlash from the Animal World

PETA expressed concern, stating that using lemurs to sell party anthems sets a dangerous precedent. “If we let this slide, next thing you know, ferrets will be claiming they wrote ‘Gin and Juice.’”

The case heads to court next month. Plaintiffs are seeking one actual funky monkey or a lifetime supply of brass-plated bottle openers shaped like primates.

Quote of the moment

I knew something was off when the monkey kept asking for Pedialyte and jazz cigarettes

Lianne Vickers, Society for Ethical Funk Classification