Key Takeaways
- Attorney General Matt Gaetz has proposed resolving legal disputes with “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”
- Gaetz argues the system will reduce legal costs and expedite cases.
- Critics warn that the move undermines the seriousness of the legal process.
Attorney General Matt Gaetz has once again turned heads with his latest proposal: resolving legal disputes using “Rock, Paper, Scissors.” Gaetz insists the unconventional method could revolutionize the justice system by saving time, money, and resources, but the legal community remains divided on whether this is genius or madness.
A New Era of Legal Simplicity
Announcing his plan during a press conference, Gaetz explained that the traditional legal system is “too slow, too expensive, and way too boring.” According to him, introducing a quick, universally understood game like “Rock, Paper, Scissors” could resolve minor legal disputes more efficiently than years of litigation.
“This method is fair, transparent, and exciting,” Gaetz said. “Everyone knows the rules. You play best out of three, and boom—justice is served.”
Gaetz suggested this approach for small claims, civil disputes, and even traffic violations, claiming it could reduce court backlogs significantly. “Why should taxpayers foot the bill for drawn-out hearings when a quick game can determine the winner?”
Legal Experts Are Skeptical
Not everyone shares Gaetz’s enthusiasm. Critics argue that the plan trivializes the legal process and undermines the dignity of the justice system. “The courtroom isn’t a game show,” said Professor Eleanor Laws of Yale University. “While reducing backlogs is important, the solution cannot be reducing justice to a literal game of chance.”
Others point out that such a system might introduce bias. “What happens if someone consistently picks scissors?” one skeptical judge asked. “Do we start bringing in rock specialists for consultation?”
Public Reactions
The public response has been mixed. While some see the proposal as a refreshing take on an outdated system, others are concerned about its implications. “I love the idea of less bureaucracy,” said one supporter on social media. “But what happens when someone’s livelihood is decided by a fist bump?”
Others have already begun joking about how this could expand to more serious cases. “Will death row inmates now have to play best of five?” one Twitter user quipped.
Next Steps
Despite the backlash, Gaetz seems committed to pushing forward with his proposal. He announced plans to introduce a pilot program in select districts to test the system. “Let the results speak for themselves,” he said confidently. “This is justice made simple.”
Whether “Rock, Paper, Scissors” becomes a cornerstone of legal reform or a punchline remains to be seen. In the meantime, attorneys may want to start practicing their reflexes—just in case.
