NEED TO KNOW
- Trump announced a “Complete and Total” Ceasefire between Israel and Iran — without confirmation from either country.
- He clarified that if it fails, it’s Biden’s fault; if it works, it’s his legacy.
- VP JD Vance praised Trump’s post as “historic, maybe legally binding, definitely posted in Arial Black.”
President Donald Trump announced Monday evening that Israel and Iran have agreed to a “Complete and Total CEASEFIRE,” which will begin once both countries complete their “final missions,” wait approximately 6 hours, and maybe confirm it themselves later. The announcement, made exclusively on Truth Social, outlines a highly specific two-phase ceasefire rollout where each side stops fighting separately, like a Cold War trust fall in reverse.
The Blame Game Has Begun
Asked who deserves credit or blame for the deal, Trump offered a diplomatic shrug. “Technically, it’s happening under Biden’s watch,” he explained. “So if it fails, that’s on him. If it succeeds, that’s my legacy. That’s how foreign policy works now.” White House staff reportedly nodded in confusion while pretending to understand the ceasefire’s 12-hour math.
Peace Through Posting
Vice President JD Vance hailed the social media post as “a triumph of diplomacy and uppercase letters.” He confirmed that he saw a draft of the post just minutes before going live. “It changed a little, but that’s how real-time negotiation works. Honestly, we’ve replaced treaties with timelines and engagement analytics.” Neither Iran nor Israel has commented, but sources say both governments have opened private browsers to try to figure out what Truth Social is.
One War, One Post, Zero Verification
Administration officials insist the ceasefire is legitimate. “You don’t need signatures when you have vibes,” said one aide. Plans for a formal ceremony are still unclear, but insiders suggest a 21-gun salute may be replaced by 12 MAGA influencers holding flags while reading the post aloud at a Bass Pro Shops. As of press time, Trump had begun planning his next announcement — a “Complete and Total Refund” on Biden’s presidency, also pending international approval.
Quote of the moment
Technically, it’s happening under Biden’s watch. So if it fails, that’s on him. If it succeeds, that’s my legacy. That’s how foreign policy works now.
Donald Trump
