NEED TO KNOW
- Ghislaine Maxwell and Elizabeth Holmes now share a minimum-security facility, raising suspicions of an accidental criminal Avengers lineup.
- Jen Shah reportedly applied to be their “public-facing hype villain” and wants matching jumpsuits “with branding.”
- President Trump denies assembling the trio, stating, “If I built a supervillain team, it would include me. And maybe Elon.”
In what experts are calling either a federal oversight or the first act of a streaming series, the Trump administration is under fire after relocating Ghislaine Maxwell to the same minimum-security prison that houses Elizabeth Holmes. Both women, known for turning deception into an art form, are now inmates at Federal Prison Camp Bryan — or as it’s newly dubbed by inmates, “FPC Femme Fatale.”
The Bureau of Prisons claims the placement is a coincidence, citing proximity to housing and “general vibes.” Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists, fashion bloggers, and The Real Housewives reunion producers have formed a joint task force.
Jen Shah, already serving time for telemarketing fraud, reportedly volunteered to manage the group’s brand, claiming it’s time for “strong, morally flexible women to reclaim the spotlight, from behind a fence.”
President Trump told reporters, “I don’t even know who Holmes is. I knew a guy named Sherlock once. Very smart. But if I did this, it’d be the greatest villain team. Nobody’s ever seen a prison lineup like it.” He then accused the Wall Street Journal of hiding a forged cartoon of Epstein dressed as Thanos.
The group is reportedly working on a joint memoir titled *You Can’t Cage Ambition: Crimes, Creams, and Cell Block Schemes*.
Quote of the moment
If this were a TV show, I’d watch the hell out of it
Warden Karen “K-Dawg” Bentley
