NEED TO KNOW
- Rose Garden makeover swaps greenery for imported marble and crystal chandeliers.
- President Trump says the ballroom will honor “my dear, dear friend, you know who.”
- Secret Service now checking invitations against the “Friendship Flight Manifest.”
The White House Rose Garden no longer has roses, grass, or anything remotely green. Instead, it now looks like a Mar-a-Lago wedding venue that got lost on its way to Palm Beach. President Trump unveiled the transformation Friday, introducing a marble ballroom with gold leaf accents and a suspicious lack of public event scheduling.
“People said it was a garden. Gardens are for losers,” Trump told reporters while adjusting the dimmer switch. “This is for classy events only, the kind Jeff liked. Tremendous taste. The best taste.”
White House staff confirmed the redesign cost taxpayers $38 million, with half the budget allocated to “imported Italian sparkle dust” for the chandeliers. Critics have called the move an “architectural indictment,” though supporters praised it for “finally getting rid of those pesky bees.”
The ballroom includes velvet ropes, mirrored ceilings, and a VIP list that appears to be printed in disappearing ink. The official dedication ceremony will feature live entertainment, complimentary shrimp towers, and an unexplained ban on cameras.
Quote of the moment
We replaced the roses with power outlets for the fog machines
White House Events Director Marcy Delano
