NEED TO KNOW
- President Trump holds press conference to announce historic “Zero Everything” achievement.
- Claims no Inflation, no immigration, and no Epstein clients — “because that’s how math works.”
- Reporters ask for proof, Trump instead gestures to helicopter and calls it “very impressive.”
In a press scrum just steps from Marine One, President Trump declared a triple win for America: zero inflation, zero illegal border crossings, and, most controversially, zero Epstein clients. He credited the economic miracle to “strong tariffs, positive thinking, and an amazing gut instinct, which I alone possess.”
“The economy is doing great. We’ve solved it all. Everything. There are no problems,” Trump said, gesturing toward the Washington Monument. “Some people are focused on names from a fake list, but I’m focused on winning for the American people.”
Pressed for details, Trump clarified, “If you subtract everyone who’s guilty from the list, what are you left with? Zero. Boom. It’s called subtraction. Look it up.”
When a reporter pointed out that the Justice Department under his own administration refused to release the Epstein documents, Trump smiled and replied, “Exactly. That proves it’s fake. If it were real, we would have released it to destroy Hillary, or Rosie, or maybe both.”
He then pivoted to Border Security, claiming that not a single person crossed illegally since “last Tuesday, which was a very strong Tuesday. The strongest Tuesday maybe ever.”
Before leaving, Trump signed a helicopter blade, gave a thumbs up, and reminded reporters, “Zero is a beautiful number. We love zero. Zero problems, zero clients, zero fake Republicans. That’s real leadership.”
Quote of the moment
Everyone’s obsessed with the Epstein list, but no one wants to talk about the list of sandwiches I invented at Mar-a-Lago
Donald J. Trump
