NEED TO KNOW
- Trump sounded the alarm on Truth Social about possible doom if courts overturn his tariff policies.
- He warned that the U.S. would face “economic ruination” at the hands of anti-American foreign tariffs.
- Legal experts say the ruling is still pending, but the drama is already at DEFCON 1.
- Other countries have yet to weigh in, possibly because they’re too busy giggling.
- Supporters rushed to their keyboards to invent new synonyms for “disaster.”
The Art of the Peril
On Truth Social, President Trump declared that if courts rule against his signature tariffs, foreign countries would “hold our Nation hostage.” The alternative, he said, would be the “economic ruination of the United States of America!”
Hostage Situation—But With Spreadsheets
Apparently, spreadsheet-wielding Canadian trade reps and German economists now pose a bigger threat than Bond villains. The President’s post suggests a scenario where the United States collapses—not from war, but from an epic Excel pivot table.
Waiting for the End (of Tariffs, or of Days)
Legal experts remind everyone that no final decision has been made. Still, if you listen to the doomsayers, you’d better start stocking up on canned goods and American flag NFTs.
Supporters Rally With Caps Lock
Trump’s fans flocked to Truth Social to offer their own takes on the apocalypse. “RUINATION” trended for eight whole minutes—roughly as long as the average attention span on the site.
The Global Response: Shrugs and Chuckles
Foreign leaders declined to comment, mostly because they couldn’t stop laughing. Even the French finance minister reportedly snorted out his croissant.
Quote of the Moment
If the courts rule against tariffs, it would mean economic ruination of the United States of America!
Donald Trump, on Truth Social
