NEED TO KNOW
- Trump launched the “Rose Garden Club” dinner with senators and insiders.
- Between sips of Diet Coke, he cracked a joke about Epstein.
- Guests laughed nervously, then asked if valet validated parking.
The Patio of Power
President Donald Trump celebrated the grand opening of the newly paved Rose Garden patio with a dinner for Washington insiders. The space, once a grassy stretch of presidential symbolism, now resembles the patio at Mar-a-Lago, right down to the yellow cushions. While some praised the upgrade as “practical,” others quietly noted the atmosphere felt more like an outdoor Cheesecake Factory.
During his remarks, Trump called the Rose Garden Club the new epicenter of American leadership. “This is where deals get made,” he told attendees. “Big deals, huge deals, maybe even the best deals. Everyone wants in.”
The Comment Heard Round the Garden
It was then, according to several guests, that Trump leaned toward Speaker Mike Johnson and made the remark: “The only thing this party is missing is some young girls and my good friend Jeffrey Epstein.” The comment reportedly landed like a dead pigeon on the buffet table.
Most of the guests gave polite chuckles before staring intently at their dessert forks. One senator later admitted he thought it was “part of a roast,” while another insisted he had “selective hearing” after two glasses of White House chardonnay.
From Lawn to Legend
The new Rose Garden patio is Trump’s attempt to leave another personal stamp on the White House. Previously, he had declared the old grass “weak” and “wet.” The concrete replacement, he said, is “strong, dry, and very classy.” Officials confirmed the space will now serve as both a ceremonial backdrop and an all-weather casino night option.
Despite the controversy, aides spun the dinner as a success. “It was an elegant evening,” said one Trump adviser. “Everyone who attended left impressed, except for those who still believe the Rose Garden should have roses.”
If the Rose Garden was meant to symbolize democracy in bloom, Trump has now rebranded it as a nightclub with a questionable guest list.
Lyle Crenshaw, D.C. Landscaping Review
