NEED TO KNOW
- President Trump denies ever drawing anything, despite a thriving doodle market bearing his signature.
- The Epstein birthday letter allegedly featured boobs, curves, and what appears to be a flirty Sharpie.
- Trump insists the only anatomy he’s ever sketched is “buildings, big ones, with very tasteful peaks.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Facing renewed scrutiny over his bizarre birthday letter to Jeffrey Epstein, President Donald Trump denied all allegations with his usual artistic flair. “I never wrote a picture in my life,” Trump told reporters while holding a marker like a toddler gripping a corn dog. “I only do buildings. Straight lines, folks. I don’t even curve for my wife.”
The denial came hours after *The Wall Street Journal* reported Trump allegedly gifted Epstein a letter in 2003 featuring a “nude outline” and a conversation in which the two men bonded over their “shared enigmas.” When asked if the signature in the shape of pubic hair was his, Trump barked, “That’s not my squiggle. And those are not my boobs.”
However, critics and collectors quickly posted receipts—literally. Trump’s skyline doodles, some featuring clear breast-like humps and suspiciously perky towers, have sold for thousands at auction. One, a rendering of New York’s skyline with what appears to be a suggestive Chrysler Building, recently sold for $16,000.
Despite Trump’s assertion that “buildings don’t have nipples,” art experts aren’t convinced. “His 2005 Manhattan sketch practically moans,” said one Sotheby’s curator. “We counted at least six phallic spires and one tower that’s definitely making eye contact.”
When reached for comment, Don Jr. claimed he’s “never seen Dad draw anything but the line between good and evil.”
Somewhere, the Empire State Building is blushing.
Quote of the moment
I’ve seen less erotic energy in a Larry Flynt courtroom sketch
Judith Saal, Sotheby’s Urban Erotica Appraisal Chair
