NEED TO KNOW
- Trump pitches $2,000 checks funded by tariff cash, math looks light.
- Offer comes with an odd request: please forget those pesky files.
- Economists warn of higher prices, crypto traders just nod and smile.
President Donald Trump promised at least two thousand dollars to most Americans, paid out of tariff revenues that he says are booming. He added a condition that raised eyebrows. Citizens should please stop asking about the Epstein files. He called it a fairness clause.
In a post, the president said tariff money belongs to the people. He said the economy is strong, the treasury is full, and the government can write checks. Budget staff did not release supporting numbers. They did share a thumbs up emoji from an official account.
Economists pointed out that tariff revenue does not hit the goal he cited. Prices also rise when import taxes go up. Shoppers pay first. The check arrives later, maybe. However, the proposal does include a simple application question. It asks whether the applicant remembers any files. The preferred answer is no.
Strings Attached, But Very Simple Strings
The plan excludes top earners and people who say the word dossier in a serious tone. It includes everyone else. The guidance says you can still say island, but only when referring to cooking shows. Reporters asked about the legal basis for a memory test. A spokesperson said the First Amendment protects the right to move on.
State officials are already prepping call centers. Scripts advise agents to congratulate callers, then pivot if they bring up old names. Try weather talk. Offer recipes. Suggest a new hobby, the training file reads. If they insist, ask them to hold for two to three fiscal years.
Meanwhile, crypto influencers posted charts with arrows that point up. They predict fresh liquidity and sweet coins. One analyst said the last time the government mailed checks, prices rose, but so did page views. He added that this is not investment advice, which made it sound like investment advice.
Consumer groups say families could use help. They also say the condition is odd. People can cash a check and still ask questions. That is how free countries work. The White House replied with a new slogan. Remember the future.
As rollout nears, agencies are testing the portal. The demo site features a big green button that says Collect. Right below it, a small gray link says Learn More About Something Else.
We tried to click both. Only the big one worked.
Please enjoy the nation’s most transparent stimulus, as long as you keep your curiosity within the recommended limits
Alma Pike, Center for Practical Civics
