NEED TO KNOW
- Vice President JD Vance flew to Montana for a secret meeting with Rupert Murdoch and Fox executives.
- He emerged hours later drenched in elk blood, holding a Wall Street Journal editorial labeled “Unholy Sacrifice.”
- Vance says it was “just a networking thing” and swears it “wasn’t a cult.”
Vice President JD Vance’s quick trip to Montana on Tuesday raised eyebrows after he exited the Murdoch family’s secluded ranch covered in elk blood, barefoot, and muttering something about “The Ratings Ascension.” When asked about the blood, Vance laughed it off, claiming it was “just a traditional Fox welcome ceremony,” before adding, “I think they do it to all the interns.”
Sources close to the meeting confirmed that Rupert Murdoch, his son Lachlan, and several Fox News executives performed a “symbolic brand alignment ritual” involving a taxidermied Tucker Carlson, a burning stack of Wall Street Journal op-eds, and a vow to never say the phrase “unemployment rate” again on air.
While the exact topic of the gathering remains classified, insiders say the discussion involved syncing midterm election coverage with the lunar cycle and floating a new Fox Nation series called *Vance Unplugged: Live from the Ranch.* The vice president reportedly took a short hike with Rupert to “cleanse his aura” in a creek that mysteriously runs red once a month.
“I was honored to be anointed in elk,” Vance said in a brief tarmac statement. “And no, that’s not a metaphor for campaign money. Unless the elk has a Super PAC.”
There were no press photos from inside the lodge, though one aide claimed to have seen Lou Dobbs carving something into a tree using the Fox News mission statement.
Quote of the moment
You know it’s a productive meeting when you leave wearing elk blood and holding a draft of season four of Succession
Steve Hilton, Fox Ranch IT Support
