NEED TO KNOW
- After Donald Trump called her “wrong,” Tulsi Gabbard reversed her position on Iran’s nuclear capabilities.
- She now claims Iran could build a nuclear weapon “within weeks,” despite saying the opposite in March.
- Critics say her policy stance now updates faster than an iPhone weather app.
Washington, DC – Strategic Clarity Through Tactical Whiplash
Just three months after testifying to Congress that Iran was not building nuclear weapons, Tulsi Gabbard now insists the country could produce a nuke “within weeks.” The dramatic reversal followed an eyebrow-raising critique from President Donald Trump, who said Gabbard’s earlier statements were “as accurate as CNN’s weather forecast.”
“I’ve Reassessed… Everything,” Says Gabbard
In a video posted to Truth Social, Gabbard clarified, “I reviewed fresh intelligence and realized Iran’s enriched uranium is not for peaceful energy, but for peaceful obliteration of the West.” She then held up a photo of Trump looking disappointed and whispered, “He just looked so sad.”
Trump Welcomes the Flip, Takes Credit for Physics
Trump responded quickly: “Tulsi finally gets it. I have always said Iran was weeks away from a nuclear weapon, unless I stopped them with strength, power, and absolutely zero hesitation—after the weekend.” He also said nuclear enrichment “works best when you own the building it’s done in,” citing no evidence.
Experts Skeptical, Internet Predictably On Fire
Foreign policy analysts were left bewildered. “She went from ‘there’s no program’ to ‘they’re one microwave away from Armageddon,’” said Dr. Penelope Ash, nuclear risk expert and part-time doomsday prepper. “This isn’t an evolution in thought. It’s a leap off the logic cliff.”
Oval Office Energy Continues to Be Radioactive
The photo of Gabbard placing her hand over her heart in the Oval Office, with Trump softly fuming in the background like a disappointed football coach, has gone viral. An unverified lip reader claims Trump was mouthing, “Say the line,” throughout her speech.
Next Week: “Tulsi to Host Nuclear Negotiations in a Float Tank”
Sources inside the administration say Gabbard will now take on a “senior vibes assessment” role, evaluating international threats based on gut feelings, facial tics, and how aggressively foreign ministers stir their coffee. “She brings a certain… improv energy to diplomacy,” said one staffer, ducking behind a curtain.
Quote of the Moment
I just needed time to see the enriched uranium through Trump’s eyes
Tulsi Gabbard
