NEED TO KNOW
- Elon Musk broke his silence on social media, slamming Congress’s latest “pork-filled” spending bill as a “disgusting abomination.”
- Musk claimed the bill would push the Budget Deficit to $2.5 trillion, warning it will “crush” American citizens for generations.
- Analysts believe Musk’s outburst signals he may finally have opened a CBO summary, or at least accidentally scrolled past it on X.
America’s Richest Man, Now America’s Angriest Accountant
After a weekend reportedly free from prescription “micro-dosing,” Elon Musk took to X with the sort of clarity reserved for people who just checked their bank account after a Vegas bender. In a post that alarmed Congressional staffers and meme stock traders alike, Musk called Congress’s latest spending package “a disgusting abomination,” lambasting lawmakers for shoveling pork into the deficit bonfire. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t stand it anymore,” Musk confessed, probably while firing up Excel to check which digits in the deficit were real.
Debt Ceiling Meets Mars Ceiling
Musk, who once suggested moving to Mars would be cheaper than paying off America’s debt, now appears horrified that the budget shortfall has soared to $2.5 trillion. “Unsustainable debt” he warned, apparently forgetting that the only thing growing faster than the deficit is the number of dog coins in his DMs. The entrepreneur’s plea left some asking if this was the same man who called for government innovation, or just a dad angry at the restaurant bill…
Congress Responds With Free Stuff and Even More Debt
When reached for comment, members of Congress explained the bill’s popularity: “It’s got something for everyone. If you can find a page without a handout, let us know and we’ll fill it,” said one unnamed representative with three new bridges in their district. The $2.5 trillion deficit, meanwhile, continues to trend on X, though not as high as Musk’s new AI girlfriend or the ongoing search for the missing Tesla Cybertruck assembly manual.
Americans Offer Thoughts and Prayers (and GIFs)
Ordinary Americans flooded Musk’s replies with offers to buy him a calculator, links to “Debt for Dummies,” and GIFs of people lighting cash on fire. “If only you could short Congressional spending,” quipped one follower. Another simply posted, “Should’ve let ChatGPT write the bill.”
Quote of the Moment
I regret ever encouraging the government to be more efficient. Turns out, they’re just faster at spending money now
Elon Musk, definitely sober (for now)
