NEED TO KNOW
- Maxwell told reporters she “just assumed he lost his keys again.”
- Deputy AG says the exercise builds “mutual understanding and electrical grounding.”
- DOJ denies parking garage meeting was a trap, insists it was “character building.”
Ghislaine Maxwell expressed confusion Thursday after being asked to start Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche’s car before their immunity interview had ended. The conversation took place in a secure underground DOJ parking garage, a setting officials described as “metaphorically appropriate.”
“I thought maybe he just didn’t want to get his shoes dirty,” said Maxwell, still wearing an orange jumpsuit and holding a suspiciously large remote starter. “He handed me a spark plug and said, ‘Go with God.’ So I did.”
Justice Department officials claim the request was part of a “standard post-debriefing trust protocol,” typically reserved for high-profile informants with explosive knowledge. When asked why the car’s hood appeared to be wired to several pressure plates and a timer, DOJ spokespeople insisted it was “performance art.”
Blanche reportedly watched from a nearby stairwell while biting his knuckle and whispering “She’s gonna do it. Brave girl.” Agents nearby had placed bets on whether Maxwell would “pop the trunk or the heavens.”
Despite surviving the ordeal, Maxwell now believes the immunity agreement includes “less immunity and more flammability” than she originally understood. Sources say she has since requested all future meetings take place in an Arby’s.
This marks the third interview this week to end with a request to start a suspicious vehicle. The other two ended “inspiringly,” according to Homeland Security.
Quote of the moment
He looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘It’s fine, it’s only C4 if it blinks.’
Ghislaine Maxwell, probably
