Donald Trump has banned Elon Musk from Mar-a-Lago’s Taco Night after a megabill snub, sparking a political-tech feud involving drones, PACs, and…
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New research confirms you’ve officially made it to the lower-middle class if you own a Bluetooth air fryer and spend 17% of your income on flavored seltzers.…
Click to Keep ReadingSenators accidentally passed the Bible as federal law after dozens of sleepless votes. Clerks are unsure whether to file it under Religious Statutes or Historical Fiction.…
Click to Keep ReadingNBA Announces New “Player Parlay Program” After Realizing Everyone’s Already Betting Anyway
After Malik Beasley was linked to suspicious betting, the NBA unveiled a groundbreaking program allowing players to bet on themselves—officially this time.…
Click to Keep ReadingElon Musk’s sprawling family has reached federal recognition status, earning its own protected designation as a National Forest.…
Click to Keep ReadingDisney Denies Ride Entry to Woman in Sports Bra, Husband Banished for Excessive Muscle Tone
A couple’s day at Disney World took a turn when a sports bra sparked a dress code standoff and her husband’s tank top muscles caused additional emotional turbulence.…
Click to Keep ReadingIn a 6–3 ruling, the Supreme Court has officially selected Arby’s for lunch, declaring meat a constitutional right and throwing soup-sippers into judicial chaos.…
Click to Keep ReadingThe Supreme Court backs Texas’ porn ID law, creating the world’s first digital strip search to protect minors from seeing what their gym teachers wear in summer.…
Click to Keep ReadingTrump’s latest trade agreement triples tariffs on U.S. consumers while letting China off the hook, an economic strategy now known as “patriotic masochism.”…
Click to Keep ReadingA UC Davis study found lead levels in some disposable vapes equivalent to 19 packs of cigarettes. Experts say it’s like inhaling a melted penny wrapped in a fruit roll-up.…
Click to Keep ReadingMicrosoft says goodbye to the blue screen of death and hello to a black one, now featuring quicker restarts and passive-aggressive commentary from “Dark Lord Clippy.”…
Click to Keep ReadingConsumer spending fell as Americans abandoned purchases in restaurants, car lots, and especially Home Depot, where vibes replaced budgets.…
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Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson