Scientists say asteroid YR4 may strike the moon in 2032, finally giving it something to do besides ruining werewolf bar mitzvahs.…
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Fed Chair Jerome Powell reportedly hiding in closet as Trump storms the building demanding rate cuts “or else.”…
Senator Josh Hawley’s proposed $600 tariff rebate checks spark confusion, joy, and a new economy based entirely on Trump-themed bullion.…
A MAGA husband is under fire after insisting his wife could fit into Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle jeans. The incident ended in tears, paramedics, and a denim boycott.…
A Texas woman claims she found heaven at Buc-ee’s, triggering a church attendance collapse and a crisis of faith over beef jerky and clean restrooms.…
Trump receives a used Boeing jet from Qatar, insists it’s “totally free” while taxpayers quietly fund $400M in upgrades and missile-powered cup holders.…
Trump claims victory over the Deep State and replaces it with something murkier, crawlier, and slightly damper — the Deeper State.…
Bubba Wallace’s historic Brickyard win leaves NASCAR fans unsure whether to clap, cry, or secede again.…
Secret Service investigates a mysterious package left at the White House bearing a handwritten Mossad return address and a suspicious note signed “Love, Bibi.”…
Trump blames wind turbines for causing tornadoes, migraines, and “atmospheric disrespect,” promises to return to energy sources that don’t “spin or swirl.”…
Ghislaine Maxwell was confused when Deputy AG Todd Blanche asked her to start his car mid-interview. DOJ officials say it was part of a “trust exercise.” She says it felt more like a scene from Goodfellas.…
Trump launches new AI bot trained exclusively on his quotes and fast food orders, accidentally declares war on Roombas…
Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson