NEED TO KNOW
- Ozzy Osbourne’s ghost has announced a world tour, reportedly already sold out in every known dimension.
- The rocker’s body remained seated on his signature throne hours after death, confusing paramedics.
- Fans gathered outside his mansion chanting lyrics backward, hoping he returns like a metal messiah.
Rock Legend’s Spirit Refuses to Wait for Funeral
Ozzy Osbourne may be gone, but his ghost isn’t wasting any time. Just hours after his death, the Prince of Darkness’s spirit reportedly kicked off a farewell world tour, starting with a surprise set in a haunted pub bathroom in Birmingham. Witnesses say the urinals began vibrating as the ghost of Ozzy screamed, “SHARON, WHERE’S MY SHOE?”
Osbourne’s body, still perched on his ornate tour throne, was discovered upright with sunglasses intact and a faint growl emanating from his chest. Paramedics couldn’t tell if he was dead or just incredibly committed to the bit. Sharon Osbourne insisted the rocker’s afterlife plans had already been booked through 2028, with an optional Las Vegas ghost residency.</p>
Fans flocked to graveyards and guitar shops, hoping for one last sighting. Meanwhile, Ticketmaster is under fire for immediately listing “Ozzy Osbourne: Live from the Afterlife” tickets at $666. Prices surged after rumors spread that the first show would feature a hologram of a bat and a séance-led pyrotechnics display.
Osbourne’s spirit has already released a new posthumous track titled “I’m Not Dead, Just Amplified.” Spotify flagged it for violating spectral compression guidelines.
