NEED TO KNOW
- Liver King arrested after shirtless, screaming video threatening to fistfight Joe Rogan goes viral.
- Austin Police confirm charges stem from perceived terroristic threat, not vitamin deficiency.
- Authorities say primal behavior is not a legal defense, no matter how veiny the abs.
Primal Rant Leads to Criminal Charges
Austin, TX – Brian “Liver King” Johnson, the self-proclaimed ancestral living guru, was taken into custody late Tuesday after uploading a shirtless video challenging Joe Rogan to a bare-knuckle fight behind a Whole Foods. Clad in nothing but gym shorts and holding two tomahawk steaks like pistols, Johnson screamed into his phone about “dominating the modern narrative” before getting arrested 45 minutes later by confused but unsurprised officers.
No Training, Just Tendons
“It’s not the fight challenge alone,” explained Austin PD spokesperson Carla Mendez. “It’s the part where he shouted ‘prepare for primal combat, I’m the bomb’ while flexing next to two propane tanks. That qualifies as a terroristic threat under Texas law.”
While no actual explosives were found, officers did confiscate 37 pounds of raw liver, 12 elk testicles, and a suspiciously homemade javelin labeled “Rogan Reaper.”
The Rogan Silence
Joe Rogan has yet to respond, though podcast insiders say he referred to the event as “the first time I regretted giving someone a platform with traps bigger than their IQ.” Meanwhile, Johnson’s legal team claims the arrest violates his “ancestral right to intimidate rivals with sweaty rants.”
Social media reaction has been swift, with many users praising the police for “finally doing something about influencers.”
Quote of the moment
He wasn’t arrested for being jacked. He was arrested for being a jacked moron
Officer Carla Mendez, Austin PD
