Elon Musk Vows to “Terminate” Politicians with Tesla Bots and Starlink Death Rays
Elon Musk isn’t just calling to fire politicians—he’s threatening to replace them with robots and aim Starlink satellites at Congress. D.C. insiders now…
Elon Musk Tweets Outrage After Sobering Up and Finally Reading Congressional Bill
Elon Musk fired off an angry tweet after finally reading Congress’s latest spending bill, calling it a “disgusting abomination” that will explode the…
Marjorie Taylor Greene Admits She Votes First, Reads Later
Marjorie Taylor Greene admits she missed a 10-year AI loophole buried deep in the One Big Beautiful Bill, now promising to “read at…
Trump’s “America First” Official Accidentally Outsources State Department to Moscow
Darren Beattie, Trump’s new State Department pick, ditches the Russia-watchdog, then hosts a ballet and caviar party for staff. Putin might finally get…
FEMA Chief Admits He Didn’t Know Hurricanes Had a “Season,” Agency Morale Now at Category Five
FEMA’s new leader baffled staff after admitting he didn’t realize the US has a hurricane season. Employees now rate internal confusion at Category…
Trump Privately Wonders if Supreme Court Nominations Came with Return Policy
President Trump is reportedly venting about his Supreme Court nominations, focusing his ire on Justice Amy Coney Barrett after rulings that didn’t match…
Louisiana House Approves Historic Ban on Clouds That Look Suspiciously Like Clouds
Louisiana’s House passed a bill to ban “chemtrails,” promising to investigate clouds that might look guilty. Scientists say the sky is safe, but…
Trump Warns: If Courts Rule Against Tariffs, ‘Economic Ruination’ Looms
Trump warns on Truth Social that overturning tariffs will lead to America’s economic doom. Experts say: maybe just chill bro.…
Speaker Mike Johnson Says Losing Medicaid Is a ‘Choice,’ Millions Choose Not to Celebrate
House Speaker Mike Johnson says losing Medicaid is a choice, but millions disagree as new work rules threaten coverage.…
Patriots Against Freedom Rally Kicks Off Pride Month With a Confusing Message
Freedom-loving conservatives launch protest against Pride Month, accidentally argue for fewer rights while waving flags and demanding camo rainbow menus at Cracker Barrel.…
