NEED TO KNOW
- Trump accuses Xi, Putin, and Kim of plotting against the U.S. at Beijing parade
- Leaked audio reveals they were just debating whose buffet crab legs are freshest
- North Korea reportedly favors Mar-a-Lago “shrimp mountain” over Bedminster prime rib night
Trump Spots a Conspiracy
Donald Trump blasted Chinese leader Xi Jinping, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un for “conspiring against the United States.” The claim was posted to Truth Social, where Trump warned, “They’re definitely plotting—probably against me, maybe against Diet Coke, could be both.”
The comment followed images of the three leaders standing together at a Beijing parade. While Trump described it as a sinister alliance, sources revealed the conversation was far less geopolitical.
The Buffet Debate
According to interpreters, Xi was praising Bedminster’s ice cream station, while Kim swore allegiance to the “all-you-can-eat shrimp mountain” at Mar-a-Lago. Putin reportedly insisted nothing could top Trump Doral’s “Unlimited Borscht and Brisket Wednesdays.”
Analysts say the three weren’t conspiring against America, but instead ranking golf course buffets like food critics at a Golden Corral. “The only coup they were discussing involved an extra ladle of gravy,” said one diplomat.
White House Walkback
The White House attempted to calm fears, insisting Trump had “misinterpreted buffet talk as battlefield talk.” Aides admitted this confusion happens often, citing past moments when Trump mistook “banquet planning” for “nuclear planning.”
Critics argue Trump is fueling paranoia for political gain. Supporters counter that global conspiracies should at least have the decency to order appetizers.
If Kim gets the shrimp, Xi takes the soft serve machine, and Putin calls dibs on the carving station, what’s left for Trump? Just the salad bar.
Roger Mealstein, International Buffet Institute
