NEED TO KNOW
- Xi Jinping hosts Putin, Modi, and autocrat fan club at Shanghai Cooperation Organization (SCO) summit
- Trump dismisses SCO as “China’s Costco knockoff without the free samples”
- Global rivals quietly jealous America gets $1.50 hot dogs instead of multipolar world order
Xi’s Big Strongman Sleepover
Leaders from across Asia, Russia, and the Middle East gathered in Tianjin this weekend for what China billed as the “biggest SCO summit ever.” Xi Jinping rolled out a literal red carpet for Vladimir Putin, Narendra Modi, and a grab-bag of regional bosses who rarely agree on anything other than needing a free trip with photo ops.
Meanwhile, American officials confirmed President Trump declined an invitation, claiming the U.S. had “no need to join a club smaller than a Costco parking lot.” He then posted a Truth Social meme showing Xi holding a Kirkland membership card.
Trump’s Costco Diplomacy
Speaking from Bedminster, Trump said the SCO “doesn’t even give samples, folks. At Costco, you get shrimp tempura on toothpicks, you get pizza, you get giant muffins. SCO? Just dictators and warm soda.”
Global analysts were confused by the Costco analogy, but admitted Trump had a point. Costco’s $1.50 hot dog has outlasted more treaties than the SCO has managed to sign.
World Leaders React
Putin reportedly looked wounded after hearing Trump’s jab, muttering that Russia “also has wholesale” though refusing to name which oligarch’s warehouse it involved. Modi stayed quiet but was overheard asking aides if Costco could deliver 400 million samosas in bulk.
Xi, however, brushed it off, telling reporters China’s SCO was about “stability, unity, and also very big pallets.”
If Costco starts doing global summits, we’re all screwed
Dr. Marla Jansen, Institute for Geopolitical Snacks
