NEED TO KNOW
- White House sends two full planes of staffers to Kirk’s funeral
- President Trump says attendance is “mandatory patriotism”
- Government briefly runs smoother without them
The White House confirmed it will send two full planes of staff to attend Charlie Kirk’s funeral in Arizona. Washington will sit empty for two days, like a middle school during flu season. Press secretary Karoline Leavitt said the gesture shows Kirk’s influence. Critics argued it shows the administration’s love for free plane rides.
Funeral or Field Trip?
Officials claimed the trip is about honoring Kirk. Yet leaked schedules included fast-food stops and a karaoke contest hosted by a Cabinet secretary. Vice President JD Vance escorted Kirk’s casket on Air Force Two. He called it “the most important cargo since Trump’s McRib shipments.”
Seats on the planes went to Cabinet members, interns, and at least one man whose only task is to clap when Trump enters a room. Leavitt told reporters the turnout reflects Kirk’s “historic legacy.” Many suspected it reflects a free weekend in Arizona instead.
Government Still Standing
For 48 hours nearly every federal office will close. Oddly, the country might benefit. The IRS pushed out refunds on time. The Department of Energy taped a note to its door reading “Gone Mourning, Try Solar.” Even the DMV phones stopped playing hold music and started connecting callers.
The funeral itself is expected to draw more than 100,000 people at State Farm Stadium. Trump, Vance, and a rotating cast of Cabinet officials will deliver tributes. Seating charts leaked online showed a VIP section labeled “Future Pardons Here.”
White House aides insisted the trip is a sign of loyalty. For the public, it was a sign that the government runs smoother when most of it is in another state. Some voters said they hope the staff stay there.
The government hasn’t looked this efficient since everyone left town for CPAC
Barbara Starr, Retired Pentagon Reporter
