Man Who Golfs Four Days a Week Furious That Americans Might Get a Day Off

NEED TO KNOW

President Trump says America has “too many days off” while golfing midweek for the fourth time this week
Calls to cancel “excessive holidays” come just before his weekend trip to Trump Scotland for a “stress reset”
Says hard-working patriots don’t need rest unless they’re “super rich and tan enough to have earned it”

Trump Demands Americans Work More While Actively Golfing

POTOMAC FALLS, VA – President Donald Trump slammed what he called a “growing culture of laziness” in America while taking his fourth midweek tee time in six days. “Americans don’t want to work,” he told reporters from his golf cart while sipping a Diet Coke and adjusting a MAGA visor.

“We need fewer holidays. People are getting soft. You can’t make America great again if you’re grilling brats on Juneteenth or lying around on Labor Day,” Trump said, pausing briefly to heckle a sand trap and blame Jerome Powell for “weird bunker rakes.”

The 77-year-old former real estate mogul, who has spent more days golfing during his presidency than any other sitting leader since William Howard Taft, says the nation needs to return to “real grit,” which apparently does not include sunscreen or consistent employment.

New Plan: No Days Off Unless You’re Trump

While proposing a new “Work Every Day Unless You’re Rich” Act, Trump outlined which holidays should be scrapped first. “Juneteenth? Never heard of it until 2020. Useless. Arbor Day? Sounds woke. Veterans Day? We support veterans with flags, not days off.”

Asked if he’d consider reducing his own golf schedule to set an example, Trump laughed and said, “No. My schedule is very presidential. These 18 holes are where the real deals happen. Just ask Lindsey Graham. He once cried near hole six.”

Sources say the former president’s weekly calendar includes rallies, rallies about rallies, and “mental golf,” which he claims counts toward national security briefings.

Only the Elite Deserve Leisure, Apparently

Trump defended his time off by explaining, “I built things. Huge things. I made billions. Workers can rest when they become billionaires. Until then, it’s back to the warehouse.” He then swung and missed a putt by eight feet and blamed the wind for being “anti-business.”

Meanwhile, the White House is reportedly considering a new “Executive Order on Hustle,” which would reclassify leisure as un-American unless performed at one of Trump’s properties.

When pressed about the contradiction, Trump barked, “You don’t understand patriotism. Resting is for people who can afford helicopters.” He then climbed into a cart shaped like a bald eagle and drove into a water hazard while shouting about tariffs.

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