NEED TO KNOW
- Trump says Soros family monopolized chants, signs, and matching rain ponchos.
- Prosecutors baffled after hearing “RICO, but for megaphones.”
- Alex Soros accused of running “protest intern program” with suspicious health insurance perks.
The New Protest Cartel
President Donald Trump has called for sweeping RICO charges against George Soros and his son Alex, accusing them of running what he described as a “Protest Cartel.” According to Trump, the Soros family now controls 85 percent of American chant supply, from “No Justice, No Peace” to the seasonal favorite “Lock Him Up.” He claimed the duo also flooded the streets with suspiciously uniform poster board, allegedly purchased in bulk from a Costco near Budapest.
Trump’s Evidence: Sharpies and Volume Discounts
At a press event, Trump displayed a stack of unused markers as evidence. “You can’t tell me one person needs this many Sharpies unless they’re funding a violent protest. And believe me, folks, I know markers,” he said. He also accused Alex Soros of offering “two-for-one megaphone deals” to activists, a tactic Trump called “worse than what the cartels do with avocados.”
Critics Respond With Confusion
Legal experts pointed out that chants are not a regulated industry and therefore difficult to monopolize. Still, Trump vowed to “shut down the chant factory” and promised that under his leadership, Americans would go back to chanting “the classics” like “USA!” and “We Love Trump!” Soros representatives denied the allegations, but their denial was quickly dismissed online after someone noticed their statement was formatted in the suspiciously protest-friendly font “Impact Bold.”
“He’s treating RICO like it’s a coupon code for authoritarianism,” said one analyst. “This is less about law and more about Trump wanting final cut on protest choreography.”
It remains unclear if the Department of Justice will pursue the case, though one insider admitted off the record that “we can’t stop laughing long enough to draft an indictment.”
This chant supply chain is totally out of control. Next thing you know, Soros will charge royalties for saying ‘Hell no, we won’t go.’
Dan Riley, Protest Enthusiasts of America
