NEED TO KNOW
- The Supreme Court ruled the U.S. can deport convicted criminals to “third countries,” even with no prior ties.
- In a 6–3 decision, justices clarified that punishment includes flying Spirit Airlines with a seat that may or may not exist.
- Human rights groups called it cruel and unusual; Spirit Airlines called it “our standard boarding process.”
In a controversial decision released Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that the Trump administration may deport convicted criminals to “third countries” regardless of their prior connection to those nations, as long as the travel is sufficiently inconvenient. The justices added that deportees must be flown exclusively on Spirit Airlines, where punishment is not only implied, but baked directly into the terms of service.
Destination? Unknown.
Under the new ruling, ICE may send detainees to any country that “sounds logistically plausible,” including Uruguay, Estonia, or “the warm part of Greenland.” Officials confirmed that determining whether the deportee has ties to the nation is irrelevant, as long as a flight deal under $49 can be secured during Spirit’s “Oops All Layovers” promotion.
Justices Clarify: Not Cruel if It’s Discounted
In the majority opinion, Justice Neil Gorsuch wrote, “While banishment to a foreign land may sound extreme, we remind petitioners that they are allowed to bring a personal item the size of a sandwich bag.” Meanwhile, the dissent argued that being randomly ejected from the country while paying $37 for water and fighting for seat rights violates multiple constitutional protections.
Spirit Airlines Embraces Role
In a press release, Spirit stated they were “honored to assist in government removals” and would waive their usual $14 fee for oxygen masks during high-altitude deportation. Sources say new aircraft signage will include phrases like “Now Serving Guatemala (No Refunds)” and “Hope You Like Surprises.” As of press time, one deportee had already landed in Latvia and texted, “Where the hell is Latvia?”
Quote of the moment
We’re not just deporting people. We’re sending them on the worst vacation of their lives.
Senior ICE official, probably
