Washington D.C. – Republican Senator Marco Rubio and Rep. Matt Gaetz have proposed a bill to defund the Florida Association of Broadcasters (FAB) because they claim its early morning emergency alert tests are disrupting their beauty sleep.
According to a joint statement released by their offices, Rubio and Gaetz were jolted awake by the blaring sound of FAB’s Emergency Alert System (EAS) test at 4:50 AM EDT last month.
“It was like a sonic boom went off in our bedrooms,” said Rubio. “I thought there was a missile heading for Florida.”
Gaetz chimed in, “I had to check if it was a real emergency or just another one of my ex-girlfriends trying to get my attention.”
The proposed bill seeks to withhold federal funding from FAB, which administers the EAS tests to broadcasters in Florida, until it changes the timing of its tests to a more reasonable hour.
“We understand the importance of emergency preparedness, but there’s no reason why these tests have to happen at the crack of dawn,” said Rubio. “We need our beauty sleep to keep up with the demands of public service.”
Gaetz added, “I’ve heard that some people actually wake up before sunrise, but I can’t confirm that. All I know is that FAB’s tests are disrupting my nocturnal activities.”
FAB officials declined to comment on the proposed bill but urged Floridians to take emergency alerts seriously, regardless of the time of day.
“Emergency situations can happen at any time, and we need to be prepared to respond,” said a spokesperson for FAB. “We apologize if our tests have inconvenienced anyone, but the safety of our communities is our top priority.”
As of press time, the bill had not yet been brought to the Senate or House floor for a vote.
