NEED TO KNOW
- ICE agents ordered to search Chicago River for “short green individuals” armed with dye bombs
- Trump says crackdown needed to stop “St. Patrick’s Day sleeper cells”
- Mayor Brandon Johnson calls move “cultural profiling with extra paperwork”
Federal agents launched “Operation Shamrock Sweep” this week, sending armed patrol boats into the Chicago River in what President Donald Trump called a “green border crisis.” The administration claims the mission targets undocumented leprechauns accused of dyeing the river without a permit. Officials say it is part of a broader effort to stop what Trump described as “illicit Irish infiltration.”
Green Menace on the Water
Border Patrol Chief Michael W. Banks said agents were told to search under every bridge and Shamrock Shake cup for suspects. He described them as “tiny, giggling individuals carrying gold coins.” The Department of Homeland Security also shared an image of a suspect that looked identical to a Lucky Charms mascot, though officials denied any connection.
Trump praised the deployment as a “major strike against the Celtic cartel.” Chicago leaders, however, appeared puzzled. “We’re a thousand miles from any border,” said Mayor Brandon Johnson. “Unless he’s planning to annex Wisconsin again.”
Local residents gathered along the riverwalk, unsure if they were watching a military operation or an early St. Patrick’s Day parade. Tourists tried to join the mission with green beers, assuming it was a themed cruise. Some cheered, others booed, and one man offered to trade information for Guinness.
Rainbow Raids and Pot-Seizure Protocols
Agents reported finding several fake rainbows, chocolate coins, and one confused jogger named Sean. Protesters mocked the stunt as “the dumbest show of force since the Alamo.” They held signs reading “No Leprechaun Is Illegal” and “End Celtic Profiling Now.”
Critics called the move a distraction from real policy failures. “If Trump wants to chase myths, maybe start with honesty,” said one Chicago resident. ICE officials later confirmed they plan to expand the raids to Boston Harbor and the Bellagio fountains in Las Vegas.
“We’re sending a message that no mischievous sprite is above the law,” Trump told reporters while holding a green beer. “They can run, they can hide, but they can’t rainbow.”
