NEED TO KNOW
A Rolex in the Rough
Louisiana’s newest ICE facility, “Louisiana Lockup,” opened this week with Governor Kristi Noem flaunting a $50,000 Rolex Cosmograph Daytona. While most detainees count ramen packs as luxury currency, Noem’s wrist alone carried the economic weight of the entire cellblock commissary combined.
The former South Dakota governor used the gleaming timepiece to punctuate her speech about “law and order.” Cameras zoomed in on the watch more than the inmates, leading one detainee to ask if they were being locked up or filmed for a Rolex commercial.
Luxury Meets Lockup
Noem, who previously showcased the watch in El Salvador during another detention-center stunt, said the accessory was not about wealth but “timely justice.” ICE officials confirmed that “timely justice” now runs on Swiss precision, even if cafeteria clocks remain broken.
Critics blasted the move as tone-deaf. “Prisoners are rationing toothpaste while their warden-for-a-day is wearing something worth more than their entire wing,” said one advocate. Others noted that the Rolex costs roughly 16,000 $14 airport burgers—the same ones travelers complain about during Trump’s rollback of airline compensation rules.
Passing Down the Time
When pressed about how she could afford the watch on a government salary, Noem’s team said she bought it with book money. “One day she’ll pass it down to her children,” the spokesperson added, “right alongside her reputation for killing a dog and opening prisons as photo backdrops.”
ICE officials declined to say whether the Rolex will be secured in evidence, donated to the commissary fund, or remain strapped to Noem’s wrist at the next lockup ribbon-cutting.
Her Rolex isn’t just keeping time—it’s doing a life sentence in bad optics — Janice Redd, Watchdog for Justice
