NEED TO KNOW
- A New Jersey man downed 9 Monsters before jury selection, claiming it unlocked “court vision”
- He interrupted proceedings with legal predictions and courtroom impressions
- Eventually dismissed after trying to swear in a vending machine as a witness
Monster Madness Hits Municipal Court
HOBOKEN, NJ — Local man Connor Feldstein arrived at the courthouse with civic pride, a 24-pack of Monster Energy, and no sense of moderation. By 9:15 AM, he had consumed nine cans. By 9:30, he believed he could detect perjury with his pupils.
Witnesses say Feldstein made his presence known early, standing and shouting, “This man has the eyes of a trespasser!” before anyone had been called. The bailiff asked him to sit. He saluted.
Legal System Meets Liquid Lightning
As attorneys questioned potential jurors, Feldstein offered unsolicited insights like, “She blinked too fast — clearly hiding something,” and “I’ve watched every season of ‘Judge Judy,’ I got this.”
He took notes with both hands and at one point tried to draft his own closing arguments, despite the trial not having started. One observer called it “a caffeine-powered spiral into constitutional cosplay.”
Judge Not Amused
Judge Linda Trumble dismissed Feldstein shortly after he attempted to swear in a vending machine “in case it saw anything.”
“I admire enthusiasm,” she said, “but this man tried to cross-examine a water fountain.”
Internet Declares Him a Hero
Clips of Feldstein’s court antics went viral. Some praised his dedication to democracy. Others called it “a Monster ad gone rogue.”
“Finally,” one commenter wrote, “a man willing to go the legal distance… and then lap it.”
