NEED TO KNOW
- Trump blames George Soros and a “woke tectonic plate agenda”
- Marjorie Taylor Greene claims the epicenter was “suspiciously near a Whole Foods”
- Truth Social trending hashtag: #QuakeGate2025
HASBROUCK HEIGHTS, NJ — A mild 3.0 magnitude earthquake struck New Jersey late Saturday, but the aftershocks were mostly felt on Truth Social, where MAGA influencers accused the Deep State of “shaking patriots into submission.”
President Trump posted a shaky video blaming the tremor on “Biden’s fake climate science lasers,” adding that “earthquakes never happened under my administration, not even once.” He then held up a page from the 2017 tax bill to prove “plates were perfectly aligned” under his leadership.
“This was clearly a false flag,” said Rep. Lauren Boebert while livestreaming from a rocking chair that wasn’t moving. “They’re trying to distract us from Hunter Biden’s lava deals.”
Steve Bannon declared the event a “geopolitical plate shift by globalists” and urged loyalists to “stand still or else you’re helping the quake.” Meanwhile, Eric Trump reported feeling the tremor from inside a tanning bed, though no seismic activity was detected at that location.
In Staten Island, residents gathered outside a Dunkin’ to chant “Stop the Shake” while investigating a suspicious manhole cover they claimed “looked a little Pelosi.” Officials urged calm and reminded citizens that “rocks sometimes move on their own,” though MAGA users now believe that’s code for an underground Antifa drill.
Seismologists confirmed the Earthquake was natural, but that didn’t stop Rudy Giuliani from filing an emergency lawsuit against plate tectonics.
Quote of the moment
Plates don’t just shift like that unless someone’s trying to rig Manhattan Island into the Atlantic
Donald Trump
