NEED TO KNOW
- Indiana becomes first state to approve tolls on *all* interstates, no matter how cracked or cursed the pavement is.
- Governor Braun says it’s about “options,” but Hoosiers call it “a tax on leaving Gary.”
- New signs welcome drivers to Indiana with “Smile, You’re Being Charged.”
In a move that both rebrands the state and monetizes its mediocrity, Indiana has become the first state in the nation to authorize tolling on every inch of interstate within its borders. Governor Mike Braun signed House Bill 1461 into law this week, calling it “a necessary evolution” of road funding. Critics called it a cash grab that turns every commute into a pay-to-play escape room with worse signage.
Every Mile a Toll, Every Exit a Test
The new law allows INDOT to request toll waivers without asking the legislature ever again. That means any stretch of pavement — including those with “Bridge May Collapse” signs — may now feature automated license plate readers and a toll price that fluctuates with local air pressure. A single trip across the state could now involve 47 microtransactions, three app downloads, and a Bluetooth-linked confession of guilt.
Indiana’s New Motto: Cross, Pay, Repeat
State officials unveiled redesigned welcome signs reading: “Welcome to Indiana — Crosstollroads of America.” They also announced a new loyalty program called “EZ-Rack,” where drivers earn points for every pothole they successfully dodge. Out-of-state drivers face an additional “scenery disappointment fee,” while electric vehicles must solve a riddle to exit I-65.
“We Just Need the Money,” Admits Braun
At a press conference held near an orange barrel graveyard, Governor Braun said gas taxes were no longer reliable. “Electric cars ruined everything. Now we’re just trying to monetize despair.” He assured the public that the tolls would go directly toward funding road repairs, probably, at some point, if nobody steals the barrels again. As of press time, Indiana was considering charging for left turns, honking, and emotionally tolling glances at Buc-ee’s billboards.
Quote of the moment
We don’t want to punish drivers. We just want to charge them for existing in motion.
Governor Mike Braun
