The planets enter the week behaving like they share one brain cell and keep losing it. Mercury is broadcasting chaos, Venus is doom-scrolling, and Pluto is quietly plotting character development you did not authorize. Use these FollyScopes as cosmic guidance, emotional damage control, or simply an excuse for whatever questionable choices you’re about to make.
ARIES – March 21 to April 19
You begin the week with heroic confidence that fizzles the moment you open your inbox. Your fiery spirit is strong, but apparently not stronger than administrative tasks.
TAURUS – April 20 to May 20
You crave stability, comfort, and silence, yet all you get is noise and responsibilities. Someone will interrupt your peace, and you’ll need a snack to forgive them.
GEMINI – May 21 to June 20
Your personality splits into three this week—all of them chaotic. You start multiple projects, finish none, and passionately explain something no one understands, including you.
CANCER – June 21 to July 22
You feel everything everywhere all at once, including emotions that aren’t even yours. You may cry at a commercial for paper towels. It’s fine. Probably.
LEO – July 23 to August 22
Your natural charisma peaks so high that people assume you’re up to something. You’re not. You’re just glowing, and the world is suspicious of joy.
VIRGO – August 23 to September 22
You try fixing a minor issue and end up restructuring your entire environment. One tiny misaligned item will haunt you until you solve it like a forensic detective.
LIBRA – September 23 to October 22
Decision-making hits new levels of comedy. A simple choice sends you spiraling into philosophical crisis. You eventually pick the wrong option and immediately regret it.
SCORPIO – October 23 to November 21
Your energy is magnetic and unsettling. Someone confesses something deeply personal to you and you weren’t even trying. You now know too much.
SAGITTARIUS – November 22 to December 21
A quick outing becomes a full adventure complete with accidental wisdom, spontaneous purchases, and one conversation that changes nothing but felt important.
CAPRICORN – December 22 to January 19
You judge the week like a quarterly report, tracking productivity with intimidating rigor. The stars urge you to relax, but you’re busy scheduling your relaxation.
AQUARIUS – January 20 to February 18
Your ideas are brilliant, bizarre, and poorly timed. You attempt to inspire people, but your message gets buried under memes. Innovation is hard.
PISCES – February 19 to March 20
You drift into daydreams and briefly forget which timeline you’re in. Your intuition is strong, but so is your desire to lie down dramatically.
