NEED TO KNOW
- Trump signs executive order renaming Department of Defense to Department of War
- Supporters tout “cost savings” from shorter word on official letterhead
- Pentagon staff reportedly already calling it “DoW” to sound more like a video game clan
President Donald Trump signed an executive order Friday renaming the Department of Defense to the Department of War, claiming it was “a much tougher, more beautiful name” and that “defense” was too woke for modern times. The move immediately sparked mockery online, not only for the nostalgia-laced justification but also for the administration’s claim that the shorter title will save taxpayers $350.56 annually in government ink and stationery costs.
Rebranding the Military
Standing beside Pentagon leader Pete Hegseth, Trump touted the decision as historic. Hegseth argued that the U.S. has not won a major war since the department was renamed in 1947, insisting the branding shift would put the military back “on offense, not defense.” He compared it to a football team changing mascots to “scare the opponent instead of just politely blocking them.”
Officials explained the ink savings with straight faces, noting that “war” has three letters while “defense” has seven. Across thousands of printed memos, briefings, and endless PowerPoints, the reduction allegedly adds up. Government analysts said the calculation included both ink cartridges and toner, sparking bipartisan laughter that Washington finally found a cut it could agree on.
Historical Throwback or Cost-Cutting Gimmick?
Historians noted that from 1789 to 1947 the U.S. military operated under the Department of War. Critics called the rebrand a stunt designed to appeal to Trump’s base rather than address real defense challenges. “Changing the name doesn’t make the tanks work better,” one former Army general muttered, “unless we start charging for naming rights like stadiums.”
Meanwhile, staff at the Pentagon have already begun abbreviating the new title as “DoW,” a coincidence gamers noted matches the online strategy franchise “Dawn of War.” Sources reported morale is mixed, with some employees excited by the fantasy-warrior energy and others worried they’ll soon be asked to build barracks and harvest resources between meetings.
Congressional Republicans cheered the move while Democrats rolled their eyes. Yet few doubted that the new branding will appear across government letterhead, seals, and Twitter bios before the year is over. As one lawmaker sighed, “At least this time the savings aren’t imaginary.”
Three letters, one syllable, big savings, tremendous savings — nobody saves like me
President Donald Trump
