NEED TO KNOW
- 154,000 federal employees are now getting paid to not work until September 30.
- Gen Z calls it “quiet quitting, but with government benefits and legal protection.”
- Elon Musk’s efficiency initiative accidentally created the laziest productivity model in U.S. history.
What began as a government downsizing effort has morphed into the hottest new trend among Gen Z: Deferred Resignation. Over 154,000 federal workers have been given a revolutionary opportunity to do absolutely nothing — with benefits — until the end of the fiscal year.
“This is the dream,” said 24-year-old TikTok user @FedUpButFunded. “I fake-quit, and now I get dental coverage and time to finally launch my Etsy shop.” Thousands of young professionals are now lobbying for the model to be adopted in the private sector, under the catchy slogan: “Fired, Tired, Still Acquired.”
According to sources at the Office of Personnel Management, many of the non-working employees now identify as “outbound-in-place.” Several have requested promotions, citing their exceptional ability to not disrupt anything while technically still employed.
Critics have slammed the program for costing billions and being “Elon Musk’s worst HR brainstorm since Twitter layoffs.” However, the Department of Government Efficiency says the plan was a “disruptive success,” noting that fewer people doing nothing saves more money than lots of people doing it inefficiently.
Federal HR reps are already working on a follow-up program: “Deferred Retirement,” which will pay retirees not to age until after election cycles.
Quote of the moment
I haven’t filed a single report in six months, and I finally feel seen
Claire Jeffries, Formerly Future Former Budget Analyst
