Costco Tells Supreme Court It Cannot Run America on Kirkland Alone

NEED TO KNOW

Costco sued the U.S. government to secure tariff refunds if Trump’s plan collapses.
The company says tariffs forced it to rely on Kirkland replacements for everything.
Supreme Court justices questioned how America survived a year of Kirkland-only imports.

Costco told the Supreme Court this week that it cannot run the United States on Kirkland Signature products alone, even though it tried for much of the past year. The company argued that Trump’s emergency tariffs pushed it into a corner, and that corner was stocked with giant pallets of off brand substitutes. Executives said they were forced to build a supply chain out of Kirkland motorcycles, Kirkland perfume and a tuna flavored mascara that almost blinded an entire focus group.

During the hearing, the justices asked why Costco reacted to tariffs by switching half the economy to store brand items. Because tariffs create chaos, Costco explained, and chaos is where Kirkland thrives. They claimed that no rational business wants to sell Kirkland garden hoses that double as medical tubing or Kirkland vodka that tastes like a dare. Yet they said the trade shock left them with no choice.

Tariffs Meet Bulk Retail Logic

Costco argued that Customs and Border Protection made the problem worse by denying more time for calculations. Because of that decision, Costco fears it may lose the right to refunds if the court sides with dozens of other companies. Attorneys for the retailer said customers already suffer. They said the public can only buy so many Kirkland sweatpants before the nation begins to slide.

The government did not dispute the volume of Kirkland products now circulating. They did ask how one company managed to replace Kawasaki, Ray Ban and Revlon with Kirkland motorbikes, eyewear and lip gloss. Costco replied that customers already trust the brand with gasoline, coffins and cheddar. As a result, it was an easy leap.

America’s Warehouse of the Future

Costco also revealed its intention to use tariff refunds to expand operations. They said the funds will help create a next generation warehouse designed for national emergencies. The plan includes a food court that absorbs shock during trade conflicts, a sample zone that stretches a full mile and an express lane for constitutional crises.

Executives insisted that America wants stability. They said no country should rely entirely on products labeled in red and black. Because variety keeps democracy alive, they urged the court to return any money collected under the disputed tariffs. The justices did not indicate when a decision might come. Costco said it has enough Kirkland items to survive until then.