NEED TO KNOW
- TSA reminds everyone: a Costco card is not a REAL ID, even if you can buy thirty pounds of peanut butter at once.
- Airport lines grow as proud shoppers argue, hoping bulk snacks count for something at security.
- TSA agents now know the difference between government IDs and “Executive Member” cards (and they do not care).
Costco Nation’s Outrage
America’s airports are in chaos. Costco Gold Star members showed up at security thinking their warehouse loyalty means VIP treatment. Many tried to argue that buying snacks in bulk deserves a shortcut. Even so, TSA only shrugged and pointed to the line.
TSA Holds Firm
“We enjoy cheap hotdogs, but that’s not enough,” said one TSA agent, watching travelers wave their shiny membership cards. Security lines got longer as more people tried their luck. However, the only “perk” offered was a slightly saltier bag of peanuts on the flight.
Costco’s Special Lane?
Some Gold Star members have started a movement. They want their own security lane, only for folks who buy paper towels in packs of 48. “If I have enough ketchup for ten years, surely I can skip ahead,” one shopper reasoned. So far, nobody in charge agrees.
DMV is the New Adventure
Meanwhile, families crowd into DMVs, trading Costco stories while waiting for REAL IDs. Many compare the lines to a theme park—without the fun. People even started swapping snacks to pass the time. Some say the DMV now smells faintly like rotisserie chicken.
What’s Next for Travelers?
Rumor has it President Trump is thinking about a new test: If you can carry a ten-pound jar of olives, you get to skip the line. For now, the only sure bet is to bring a REAL ID or a passport. And don’t forget—leave the Kirkland card in your wallet, not your hand.
Quote of the Moment
TSA can’t stop me, but these bulk Tums sure can
A Costco loyalist outside Terminal B
