NEED TO KNOW
- Chicago proposes a 1% grocery tax to plug a billion-dollar deficit and keep “critical services” like police and potholes funded.
- Mayor Johnson insists it’s not a new tax, just “a process”—the process being you paying more for grapes and toilet paper.
- Residents now get to play “Which Would You Rather: Fewer Cops, More Potholes, or Fewer Peaches?” every time they shop.
It’s Not a Tax, It’s a “Revenue Continuity Mechanism”
Mayor Brandon Johnson wants Chicagoans to know this is absolutely, definitely, positively not a new grocery tax. It’s just a continuation of the state’s tax, except now the city gets your money directly. “We’re just creating a process,” Johnson explained, “where you pay us instead of Springfield.” Some residents say the process feels suspiciously like paying more for bananas, but Johnson says it’s all for the greater good.
Choose Your Own (Deficit) Adventure
The budget director warned that without the new tax, Chicago’s only options are: cut the police budget, patch even fewer potholes, or kiss community programs goodbye. “Which service would you like to lose first?” one city official asked, “police, roads, or peaches?” Chicagoans now have the exciting opportunity to crowdsource their misery—just in time for budget season.
The Great Grocery Games
City council members are scrambling to meet the October deadline for the new tax. They say nearly 200 Illinois municipalities have already done it, so why not join the fun? Some critics call it a missed opportunity that Chicago didn’t bake the tax into last year’s budget. Others are just happy to get through the checkout line before “bagging tax” becomes a thing.
Spin, Spin, Sugar
When pressed by reporters, Mayor Johnson reiterated, “The grocery tax already exists.” He explained, “We’re not adding anything, we’re just changing who gets to buy new office chairs with your money.” Meanwhile, police union reps warn that without new revenue, the city may have to switch to part-time neighborhood patrols. Pothole activists, however, remain optimistic that at least the holes will outlast the tax.
Quote of the Moment
People say Chicago’s roads are bad, but soon our wallets will have even more holes
Alderman Andre Vasquez
