Melania MEME Coin Terms Accidentally Reveal Deep State, Copyright Policy

NEED TO KNOW

The Melania Meme Coin terms and conditions read like a Supreme Court ruling for a cartoon raccoon NFT
Buyers are told the coin does nothing, can’t be benchmarked, and legally may not disappoint you — despite obviously doing so
If your phone catches fire, you might get $100 and a bonus JPEG of an eagle crying

Red, White, and Revoke Your Expectations

WASHINGTON, DC – Legal analysts and confused crypto bros alike were stunned this week after the full terms and conditions for the Melania MEME Coin dropped online, revealing a glorious mash-up of patriotic branding, dense arbitration clauses, and zero actual utility.

The MEME Coin, launched under the Trump family’s favorite model of “throw branding at the blockchain and see what sticks,” comes with a legal disclaimer that reads like it was ghostwritten by Clarence Thomas and an AI trained on monster truck ads.

Not a Scam, Just a Spirit Journey

“The Coin is not legal tender, does not represent any political affiliation, and is not an investment opportunity,” the terms declare up top — which is crypto for, “Congrats on buying sparkles with your rent money.”

Buyers are reminded that the coin exists for “entertainment, social, or cultural purposes,” which legal experts agree is the gentlest possible way to admit it does nothing — but does it with flags.

You May Not Benchmark the Patriotism

The contract warns users they are “prohibited from releasing performance information,” making this possibly the first digital asset that bans you from telling your friends it sucks.

Also forbidden: impersonating any entity, including presumably Melania herself, which is awkward considering the whole thing is built around impersonating Melania with JPEGs and vibes.

If It Explodes, You Get a Gift Card

In the event of catastrophic failure, the maximum remedy allowed is $100 — a sum that could buy you almost three hats from the Truth Social merch store. If your crypto wallet spontaneously combusts, just know you’ll be reimbursed with a Benjamin and a non-fungible shrug.

Even the DMCA section is written with the gravity of a Geneva Convention addendum. The arbitration clause? Twelve paragraphs longer than Melania’s actual coin announcement.

Limited Utility, Unlimited Loyalty

While some critics are concerned, supporters of the coin remain unfazed. “It’s not about what the coin does,” said one user on X. “It’s about what it represents — a digital freedom that costs $49.95 and ships with legal anxiety.”

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