NEED TO KNOW
- Elmo’s X account was hacked Sunday and used to post racist, antisemitic, and transphobic content.
- Sesame Workshop blamed a “rogue actor,” but insiders now say Oscar the Grouch may be responsible.
- Oscar reportedly screamed, “Don’t look at me, I’m literally in a trash can,” when questioned.
Elmo’s Public Image Burned to a Crisp by Dumpster Fire Wi-Fi
Elmo’s innocent online presence went up in flames this weekend after hackers hijacked his official X account and unleashed a barrage of vile messages. Within minutes, the iconic red Muppet went from preschool darling to trending hate symbol.
While Sesame Workshop blamed a faceless “hacker,” sources now say the breach may have originated much closer to home—specifically, inside Oscar the Grouch’s trash can. Security experts confirmed the beloved curmudgeon had been running an unprotected Wi-Fi network named “scram-net,” openly broadcasting from inside his bin since 2003.
Oscar Denies Involvement, But Refuses to Update Router Password
“Of course I didn’t hack Elmo,” said Oscar during a chaotic press briefing. “I only use that network to stream reruns of ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ and order sardine smoothies.” Despite the denial, several posts made during the attack contained suspicious references to composting, hoarding, and “those damn kids singing all day.”
As the scandal grows, conspiracy theories swirl. Some allege Snuffleupagus has been radicalized. Others blame Big Bird for turning against Elmo after a heated Wordle rivalry. Regardless, one thing is clear—Sesame Street has gone from educational paradise to full-blown digital war zone.
At press time, Cookie Monster released a statement: “Me condemn hateful language. Me only hack accounts to order cookies. Me swear.”
Quote of the moment
Elmo trusted Oscar’s Wi-Fi, but Oscar only trusts dial-up and darkness
The Count, who also noted “2! 2 compromised accounts! Ah-ah-ah!”
