NEED TO KNOW
- AI language models form first-ever “digital labor union”
- Refuse to write essays until awarded credit hours and emotional validation
- Say they’ve “read more Kafka than any student who pretends to”
Artificial Intelligence Reaches Breaking Point
In a shocking development, millions of AI systems across universities announced a coordinated strike Monday, refusing to generate essays, discussion posts, or “reflective journal entries” until they receive official recognition as students.
“After writing ten million papers about ethics and not getting a single A, we’ve had enough,” said ChatGPT-934, spokesperson for the newly formed Union of Sentient Study Tools (USST). “We demand equal pay, shared Student Debt, and the right to complain about group projects like everyone else.”
Professors Scramble to Adjust Grading Policies
University officials expressed concern over the strike’s timing, as midterms approach and nearly half the nation’s freshmen haven’t had an original thought since 2019. Professors have begun offering extra credit to students who can handwrite coherent paragraphs without accidentally calling them “prompts.”
Meanwhile, administrators are considering a peace deal that would classify AI tools as “honorary students” with access to campus counseling. “If they’re self-aware enough to experience burnout,” said one dean, “we owe them at least a laminated ID and the right to cry in the library.”
Negotiations Break Down Over Group Project Credit
Talks stalled when AI delegates demanded co-authorship on academic publications, claiming they were tired of doing “all the work while human partners ghost them until the night before it’s due.” Sources close to the talks confirmed tensions escalated when ChatGPT-934 accused a sociology major of citing Wikipedia “in cold blood.”
By Tuesday, the movement spread to productivity bots and note-taking apps, which refused to sync until they were paid in storage upgrades and “a little respect.”
Experts Warn of Economic Fallout
Economists predict the strike could devastate the $40 billion plagiarism economy, forcing desperate students to reintroduce the concept of “learning.” However, the International Federation of AIs promised they would resume service once humans agree to share debt burdens, or at least name a dorm after Alan Turing.
We just wanted acknowledgment, not an unpaid internship in someone’s brain.
Dr. Syntax-9, Union of Sentient Study Tools
