Tag: Congress
Congress Cheers D.C. Police Takeover, Says It’s About Time Escorts Could Get Home Without Getting Robbed by “Real Criminals”
Trump’s federal takeover of DC’s police force has Congress celebrating, saying their escorts can now…
Congress Accidentally Bans Weekends in 3,200-Page Infrastructure Bill
In a legislative blunder, Congress passed an infrastructure bill that inadvertently bans weekends, leaving the…
AOC’s Secret Weight Gain? Experts Diagnose “Living Rent-Free in Loomer’s Head”
Laura Loomer claims AOC has gained 50 pounds in Congress, but the only thing really…
Disney Acquires Congress, Promises Funnier Bills, Better Costumes
Disney’s new Congress promises more fun and music, with new laws passed only after a…
Senate Offers Musk a Crayon and Stickers to Calm Him Down
Senators offer Elon Musk a craft table and sticker chart after he calls on Congress…
Biden Autopen Faces Congress: Will It Get a Pension or a Perjury Charge?
Congress is investigating whether Joe Biden’s autopen deserves a presidential pension, a prime spot at…
Elon Musk Vows to “Terminate” Politicians with Tesla Bots and Starlink Death Rays
Elon Musk isn’t just calling to fire politicians—he’s threatening to replace them with robots and…
Elon Musk Tweets Outrage After Sobering Up and Finally Reading Congressional Bill
Elon Musk fired off an angry tweet after finally reading Congress’s latest spending bill, calling…
US National Debt Outperforms Dow Jones and S&P 500
The US national debt has surpassed both the Dow Jones and the S&P 500 for…
Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” Passes by One Vote, Nation Now Only One Cracker Barrel Fight from Collapse
Trump’s One Big Beautiful Bill passes by one vote, making history and ensuring toddlers can…
Congress Accidentally Passes Useful Bill, Immediately Apologizes
Congress passed a bill that helps real people. Officials quickly apologized, burned it, and promised…
Congress Votes to Postpone Decision Until Absolutely Everyone Stops Paying Attention
In a decision that shocked absolutely no one, Congress has voted to postpone a critical…
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