NEED TO KNOW
- WNBA All-Stars wear shirts demanding fair pay, triggering unexpected math crisis
- New accounting model suggests “what they’re worth” is about $37 and a gift card
- Caitlin Clark reportedly received a Venmo request from Brittney Griner “for equality”
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — During All-Star Weekend, WNBA players boldly took the court wearing shirts reading “Pay Us What You Owe Us,” only to later realize that based on current viewership metrics and jersey sales, they may have overestimated the invoice.
“We meant in spirit,” said one player, frantically Googling “how to delete shirt slogans.” A follow-up analysis from ESPN8 (“The Ocho”) revealed the average player value sits somewhere between a WNBA commemorative tote and a lightly-used Peloton.
The protest was organized to pressure the league during collective bargaining talks. But after accounting for actual ticket revenue, public interest, and YouTube highlight ad revenue (“literally tens of dollars”), players found the slogan technically reduced their compensation by 15%.
Caitlin Clark, who sat out the game but wore the shirt, reportedly whispered, “Oh no, I just canceled myself,” before turning it inside out mid-photo op. Kelsey Plum tried to backpedal: “It was symbolic. Like, metaphoric. Not, like, math-math.”
WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert attempted to reassure players by offering free smoothies and a Spotify playlist titled *You Deserve This*, curated by Sheryl Swoopes.
“There’s a real discussion to be had about equity in sports,” said one analyst. “But this wasn’t it. This was a Groupon for humility.”
The protest has since been quietly rebranded as a fashion statement. Shirts are now available at Target for $6.99, buy one get one with proof of NBA brother.
Quote of the moment
We said ‘owe,’ not ‘own.’ It’s a common miscommunication in collective bargaining
Natasha Cloud, accidental fiscal hawk
