NEED TO KNOW
- Fans encouraged to toss sex toys in a “respectful, empowering arc”
- Players get one free technical foul if struck by anything neon or ribbed
- Team mascots now required to wear latex gloves and emotional armor
After weeks of unsolicited silicone projectiles flying during games, the WNBA has decided to reclaim the narrative by introducing “Bring Your Own Dildo” Night. The league says it’s a bold move toward “sex-positive empowerment and marginally safer aim.”
Indiana Fever guard Sophie Cunningham, previously vocal about the risk of injury, now supports the themed promotion, stating, “If we’re going to get hit in the face, it better at least be part of a sanctioned theme night.” All attendees will receive a commemorative strap-on foam finger, courtesy of Adam & Eve.
In-game policy updates include a three-strike dildo rule, a clear bag policy for adult toys, and a center-court bin where fans can deposit items too anatomically correct for television. Any thrown object must follow the “safe, sane, and consensual” arc limit, measured by new motion sensors.
Meanwhile, rival teams have begun testing “No Toys Left Behind” detectors at entrances. The Dallas Wings are rumored to be piloting a t-shirt cannon modified for returns.
This comes amid ongoing debate over whether airborne phallic plastics violate league rules, human dignity, or just standard physics.
Quote of the moment
Honestly, we’ve had worse things thrown at us. Like shade from the NBA
Angel Reese, Sky Forward
