The USFL and XFL have announced that they are now competing to see which professional football league will go bankrupt first.
Both leagues have been struggling to stay afloat in the crowded sports market, and it seems that they have now resorted to a competition to determine which one will fold first.
“We’ve always known that we were the underdogs in this fight, but now we have a chance to prove ourselves,” said a spokesperson for the USFL. “We’re going to do everything in our power to bankrupt ourselves before the XFL does.”
The XFL, on the other hand, were equally determined to come out on top. “We’re not afraid of a little competition,” said an XFL representative. “We’ve got some tricks up our sleeves that will help us bankrupt ourselves faster than the USFL.”
Both leagues have already taken drastic steps to increase their chances of going bust. The USFL has announced that they will be offering every player a bonus if they can injure themselves during a game, while the XFL has vowed to spend all of their money on hiring expensive celebrities to serve as coaches and commentators.
The competition has already caught the attention of fans and media alike, with many dubbing it the “Race to Bankruptcy.” The winner will receive nothing but the ignoble distinction of being the first professional football league to go under.
As news of the USFL and XFL’s competition spreads, the NFL has been quick to distance themselves from the debacle. “We’re not going to get involved in a silly competition like this,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “We’ve got bigger fish to fry, like figuring out how to keep Tom Brady retired to stop him from coming back and winning yet another Super Bowl.”
Many NFL players have also chimed in on the matter, with some expressing their disbelief at the USFL and XFL’s tactics. “I can’t believe they’re actually trying to bankrupt themselves on purpose,” said one player. “That’s like trying to lose on purpose in the playoffs – it’s just not a good look.”
Others have seen the humor in the situation. “I guess it’s kind of like a game of chicken,” said another player. “Except instead of crashing cars, they’re crashing football leagues.”
As the competition between the USFL and XFL heats up, the NFL is content to sit back and watch the chaos unfold. “We’ll be here when they’re both gone,” said Goodell. “We’re the NFL – we’re like the cockroach of professional sports. We’ll survive anything.”
It remains to be seen which league will ultimately emerge victorious in this bizarre contest. But one thing is for sure: the USFL and XFL are both in for a wild ride.
