NEED TO KNOW
- Tom Thibodeau reportedly dismissed by the New York Knicks for “making the rest of the city look bad at their jobs.”
- Sources say Thibodeau’s winning ways were “out of step with New York’s commitment to basketball-based heartbreak.”
- The Knicks will begin a nationwide search for a replacement who “really gets the vibe of lowering expectations.”
Too Much Success is Simply Un-New York
New York sports fans woke up to the shocking news that Knicks coach Tom Thibodeau was shown the door—apparently for the unforgivable sin of exceeding expectations. According to insiders, Thibodeau’s habit of, well, winning made city officials “deeply uncomfortable.” After all, no one moves to New York expecting joy, least of all Knicks season ticket holders.
Rebuilding Is a Tradition, Not a Phase
Thibodeau’s “excessive competence” put immense pressure on everyone from the front office to the hot dog vendors. “You can’t just win games like that. It’s jarring,” lamented one longtime fan. “If I wanted to see a team play defense, I’d move to Milwaukee.”
The Hunt for a True New York Coach
The Knicks have promised a transparent search for their next head coach. The job posting reportedly requires “at least five years of playoff near-misses” and a proven record of calling timeouts at the worst possible moments. Early frontrunners include several guys with their own podcasts and one guy who’s just always at Madison Square Garden.
Fans Demand a Return to ‘Character Building’ Seasons
Many diehard supporters have demanded a return to the familiar mediocrity that defines Knicks fandom. “It’s about the journey, not the destination,” said a local bartender. “And that journey should involve a lot more disappointment and maybe a few broken remotes.”
Quote of the Moment
They fired him for doing too good a job. Only in New York can you get canned for not being bad enough
Knicks season ticket holder, Section 213
